It is that time of year again when my work and family life explodes and collides and ultimately my health suffers. I have committed to helping to organise and staff four PTFA events, at the same time as organising a 2 week drama festival at work, grading and assessing 75 students and producing copious amounts of paper work, reviews, formal examination documentation, parents evenings, interviews, open days, final shows and training events. Alongside that the children reach the heights of their school involvement with sports days, celebration assemblies, cross country competitions, karate gradings, swimming badges, football presentations, fetes. Add to that the fact that 4 out of 5 of us have summer birthdays and my parents have a triple celebration of golden wedding anniversary, 80th and 75th birthdays that I am organising celebrations and gifts for, and you may start to see my dilemma. I haven’t mentioned that we have booked a driving holiday to the south of France in a few weeks and I am a notorious advance planner of routes, visits, hotel stays and packing lists.
In fact life is going extremely fast and I am reminded of those summer sports days as a child when, adrenaline fuelled, I used to sprint too fast for my own legs and spend most the race looking down at my feet and attempting to stay upright, rather than focussing on the finishing line.
This is a wonderful time in my childrens lives. My mother always used to say her happiest times were when we were at primary school, immersed in exciting activities and yet still pleased to see her at the end of the day. I hold that thought dear and cherish these times, and that is ultimately why I volunteer for the PTFA and embroil myself in my childrens events. These times wont return and we must grab them and enjoy them.
However Life/ work balance is always a sufferance for working mums. I am a dedicated and industrious worker who is always capable and willing to take on extra responsibilities and to lead on shows, trips and organising but I really do wish I had learnt to say no over the years.
I still have my friends birthday present sitting in my room which is now 4 months late. Another friends gift is only a month late but I prefer face-to-face contact rather than posting. This is a purely reflection of a busy life and the distance they live from me, not a reflection of my feelings for them! There are few evenings that my partner doesn’t work and guess what – when there’s a free one where he can put the kids to bed, I find I am already committed to some other activity I’ve volunteered for!
So why do we pack our lives so full? The devil makes work for idle hands? If you want something done, ask a busy person? Sometimes I wonder if I am busy running from myself. There isn’t time to focus on me and my needs, the kids always come first. Family and friends suffer too, we can barely squeeze them in. I have three children who all attend between 3-5 hobbies a week. I work 3 days a week and my days off are spent ferrying 3 kids to nursery and school, doing housework, attending PTFA meetings or medical appointments and then collecting children before feeding them and taking them to their clubs. We have swimmers, martial artists, dancers, cubs, footballers, cricketers, guitarists, runners.
I see myself as this earth mother who should provide her children with a taste of all things, if we are to find their special talent. And yet will they remember or use all of this? As a child I tried everything going! I had a horse, did rollerskating, ballet, disco, tap dancing, swimming, brownies, guides, cycling, piano, violin, saxophone, and out of all of those I only stuck at one through to adulthood. I seem determined to expose my children to all things, regardless of the rising cost and demands on my time and life. It seems to be the thing that parents do.
But will my children be culturally richer for this exposure when young? I go to great lengths to take them to museums, theatre shows, historic houses and monuments but will they remember all this? What if one day the psychologists reveal that actually this is all pointless and the most advanced are the children who never had hobbies, were never taken anywhere and actually found their true path themselves by pursuing their own interests?
I have an acquaintance who has found her daughter is a gifted skier. None of them ski but she just took to it one time at the local snowdome. Their every weekend and holiday is now filled with visits to snowy climes, mainly abroad. I really, really hope she makes the Olympics when she is older, because it will make all this parent stress and commitment seem worthwhile, but what if she doesn’t? What if, at 16, shes says “Mum I hate skiing, I want to be a hairdresser”. How gutted would you be????
I have a friend who spends every week night and weekend driving her daughter round to dance schools, competitions and rehearsal for shows. She’s rightly so very proud of her achievements, but what if she never dances again after 10?
What if we are wasting all this time investing in taking our children to activities and paying a small fortune on things that actually, they will never use past the age of 14?
What if I have nearly killed myself squeezing every last minute of my time into my children s school and social lives, and then at the age of 20 they walk out of my life and never speak to me again?!
Which goes to show that parenting is such a selfless act when they are small. The demands for attention and return seem to surface when they are older (and so are we). This tender age we just give, give, give and they take, take, take. We get our pleasure from seeing them happy. Our pride is from witnessing their achievements. Our friendships come from our children s social circles. I have lost count of the times I have sat in a children s play centre, knowing no one and watching the kids enjoy a random party, the second of the day. Its something we wouldn’t dream of doing in any other stage in our lives, but small children have this hold over us. We become totally selfless. All consumed by our duty as a parent.
In many ways I admire this person that I become as a mother. I feel abit like Mother Theresa, really. But I have forgotten the person that I was. She is neglected and ignored. I have spread myself far too thinly in my adult life because Im far too busy being super-mum. Im pretty exhausted if Im honest.
On that note I shall wait until the children are asleep and have a lie down.